There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
