the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
