I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Let the clothes fall where they may.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
