The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
