Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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