I'm really into asian looking animals
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
