We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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