im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
