I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
