I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
