so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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