Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
being pregnant is like rehab
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
