I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
