I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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