I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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