The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
