is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
