I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
