I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
