remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
