The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
