i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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