lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
