how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
