real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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