so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
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We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
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I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
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