I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
