the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
