He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
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dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
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Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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