i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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