Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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