Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
