I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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