One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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