i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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