So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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