I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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