And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
