I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
