using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
