I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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