this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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