so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
When are your genitals available?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
