my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Randomize
