So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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