why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
smell my finger.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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