Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
