none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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