Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
