i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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