Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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