Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
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Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
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I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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