6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
