i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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