You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I want her autograph on my taint
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
