Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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