Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
