It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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