I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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