I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
