when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
